Lately Ive been coming to terms with a lot of things. In the Peace Corps you learn to patiently live with your problems. Many things here have no visible solutions. If you are like me and you believe that yes for every problem there is a solution than you soon realize that even when there is a solution, in Africa it may take months or years for it to resolve. Months. Its taken many months.
My health has been on my mind recently. Ive had scabies all over my body for the last month and a half. If you don’t know what scabies are you should do some research. But basically they are parasites that live in your skin. In animals it’s called Mange. So ive had mange for a month and a half. I finally got medical attention for it about 2 weeks ago. Another thing you have to understand about peace corps is that the slogan “better medical care than in America” is a complete and total lie. There is no American medical care here. This is host country medical care. So a visiting nurse from Tajikistan finally took pity on me and gave me a prescription. I applied the cream twice. Once more than I should have. And got a severe allergic reaction to it. My tongue swelled up and I got a rash all over my body. So I now have two sweet looking rashes. And one is alive and I swear to god the scabies know when im talking about them… But anyways nothing happened. I now have a more severe and “chronic” form of scabies. Yesterday I saw the nurse again and she told me that if I didn’t try my hardest to rid the scabies from my body I could have them for the rest of my life. They could become chronic scabies and I could have them for the rest of my life. I could have this for the rest of my life. I could have this. For the rest of my life.
So Im dealing with that right now. Im also coming to terms with my school and the fact that some of these easy and doable solutions will never be done. Im coming to terms that my school doesn’t want me to help them get their school water. Or food for the orphans. Or more teachers. So we don’t have 120 kids per classroom. So they don’t have to climb over each other to get to their seats. So they don’t have to sit three to a tiny chair. Im coming to terms with the fact that a lot of these problems will never get solved.
Im also coming to terms that my real family. My American family will never really be there for me. I can never count on them. Ive always known this. But being on the other side of the world and seeing every other American kid here have parents who bend over backward to make sure that their pride and joy has snickers and pert plus and other tiny comforts. And then looking at my own life and seeing it once again completely devoid of parental affection. Its always been this way. My whole life. I will never get one package or even a letter from my mother while im here. I just have to come to terms with that. I will never have any love sent my way. I feel stupid whining about this when half my students don’t even have mothers. Im sorry but it does affect me.
And while im whining I also really miss my Ipod and my camera. Its really unfair WORLD that you broke both of these on the same day and now it feels like my soul is gone.
Im coming to terms with all these. Also, I really wanted to write more about political problems and corruption in Lesotho. But ive been getting hate mail. So im going to take a break. I might even make this private.
Miss you and love you all.
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Natalie, Of course I love you and care about you and as you know, I try to call you on Sundays. I am sorry I didn't get through to you last Sunday. About 3 weeks ago, we agreed that you would send me the name and address of a peace corp volunteer's mother in Arizona that I could send things to, like a camera and shampoo, and then that Peace corp Volunteer would bring you those things because they were going home for a visit. I am waiting to receive the email with that information. I did get your letter for my birthday and the one from your student. I will write to both of you and try to find a pen-pal for your student. I'm sorry about the scabies. I had them once too, only once, and they never came back. Love, Your Mother.
ReplyDeleteI definitely learned in the Peace Corps (Teyateyaneng) that many people who were "always there for me" stateside somehow couldn't quite figure out the whole stamp-envelope postal interface thing.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, the fact that you're managing to blog as you're doing means you're getting a lot more expressive leeway than we used to. During my term of service (2001-2003) we weren't allowed to post anything online hohang unless it had been cleared and authorized by our PCD, who was kinda nuts, and absolutely no discussion of anything negative about the Corps or Basotho was allowed.
The most important thing to remember about Peace Corps Medical is that you can't trust them where anything but the most basic physical issues are concerned. Even while half the PCV's in their charge are turning to drugs and alcohol to cope, they tend to respond to mental health issues more by terminating and deporting PCV's than by trying to help; the Corps would rather cut you loose and terminate every project associated with you than run the slightest risk of bad press.
I'll see what I can do about a new camera & ipod for you. Consider me an ally stateside. Mankoeponymous@gmail.com